How do I love you

I do not know you, and

You push my hands away

When I stroke your hair


When I love you

you say you will live only till 35

you retreat into your rings of smoke

your eyes glaze, and i am scared to ask

if you are here, or if i am just a body.


I know I can’t make you see me

what is more scary – that you do not know

the names of my loves, the reasons for my laughter,

or that you never want to find out?

or that i will never know?


how will i love you, when you

are waiting to die, how will i look into your eyes

when you hide mine with your one hand

while the other wraps me closer?


when i think of loving you,

i hear echoes of thirty five

and feel smaller than the numbers

you scribbled carelessly for the last six years

before giving up on them, to turn to running.




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