How do I love you
I do not know you, and
You push my hands away
When I stroke your hair
When I love you
you say you will live only till 35
you retreat into your rings of smoke
your eyes glaze, and i am scared to ask
if you are here, or if i am just a body.
I know I can’t make you see me
what is more scary – that you do not know
the names of my loves, the reasons for my laughter,
or that you never want to find out?
or that i will never know?
how will i love you, when you
are waiting to die, how will i look into your eyes
when you hide mine with your one hand
while the other wraps me closer?
when i think of loving you,
i hear echoes of thirty five
and feel smaller than the numbers
you scribbled carelessly for the last six years
before giving up on them, to turn to running.