How many more afternoons spent perched on the corner of my bed
Surrounded by washed, wrinkled clothes that smell of soap and sun?
How many more baths with John Mayer’s voice for company, my hands
Scrubbing feverishly, hoping you’d dissolve with the foam that swims into the drain?
How many more nights where the snakes slither from my stomach to my chest
Till my words are choked out and a river is born out of my body?
I remember the smile the perfect teeth that spilled into my universe the happiness that your smile planted in me the happiness a shrub watered by your voice your voice which I loved more than any other’s which quietened my heart even when you were angry even when we fought just as long as I got to hear it your long thick arms that I thought would hold all the shaking parts of me without dropping a piece your face so big my palms couldn’t cover it yet I tried anyway to feel all of it while you laughed showing your perfect teeth and your voice resonated in my smiles my words my thoughts as your arms held me closer and tighter not breaking the pieces but marking them all
I remember I remember I remember I remember I remember
They say one day it’ll hurt a little less
When is one day?
Will it come as fast as the day
You gave away your arms your smile your eyes your voice
To someone new?
How much is a little less?
Enough for me to think of you with a smile
The same smile that you created, whose expanse
You first discovered?