Cliche

This poem is a cliche,

Like all small revelations are.

.

Today I learned

You can love

And not be together.

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It was nice to talk.

It is always nice to hear your voice,

Even though it hurts now.

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Today, we smiled, and it felt good

These tiny steps we take

To navigate the terrains we leaped over.

And I learned to appreciate another shade of

All that matters is love.

.

Today, I knew I would love you, always

And that we would not be together

And that was okay. Today I smiled

I hope you did too.

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Quiet

I used words carefully with you

My tongue, used to rapidly navigating terrains

Of other people’s minds, paused, relishing

The words that opened my soul

To you, before anyone else.

I danced in the beauty of the words that escaped my mouth

To let you in. I was jittery with excitement

To put them together in sentences meant

To reveal, without metaphor.

.

I forgot

You did not linger over words like I did,

They slid off your tongue without thought,

Weight, or consequence.

When my words turned from heavy dew

Drops sliding from the edge of a cool leaf

To the frenzied cries of a burning bush,

Your fingers twitching, brushed them off

They broke. Words are fragile, you see –

Did you know then, they would drive me to silence?

.

My soul may be more fragile then the words I chose to make you see

And see you cannot, now. Not anymore.

That space is marked by quiet.

Hush.

I cannot tell you of the multiple joys of solitude

The deliciousness of the loneliness that hugs the space

Between my blanket and my body.

There’s something about the anonymity of the rapid lines

That enter and exit the metro, and my insignificance

During the one hour ride of uninterrupted silence

That makes me feel happy in an indifferent crowd.

It’s strange I find happiness in this –

And you wouldn’t understand why I do.

.

Just know this:

When I decided to stop loving  you,

I realized, astonished absolutely,

That I could love myself.

I am still reeling under the impact

Of that revelation.

I am still drowning under the intensity of the love

That I’d reserved to you, and which now falls on me,

With an unapologetic tenderness.

 

 

 

Let’s Dance

Let’s dance dance dance

Barefoot on top of all the mess,

With watery smiles to show we don’t care.

.

Let’s dance dance dance

Hold me close, let my lips touch your shoulders

So that the things that are shaking within me

Feel steady for a while, just a while.

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Let’s dance dance dance

I don’t want to look into your eyes tonight

Don’t want to see for a while, just a while

Let’s keep swaying, the world’s stillness

Terrifies me. Hold me close, let’s dance.

.

We might be strangers now,

But in a moving universe

When I can lean on to you and close my eyes

I can almost be happy.

.

Let’s dance dance dance.

 

Words

There are so many things that you would never know about me

Simply cos you would think to ask, or would never care to listen

It wouldn’t be important to you, and I wouldn’t tell you when I speak,

There are some things which I can express better writing, or better yet,

By silence.

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I love letters. Few things are as happy as a pages of handwritten words,

Mostly nonsense, mostly trivial, just for me.

Most relationships I measure in terms of the letters I’ve written.

The truth is, if I’ve written you a letter, I have loved you.

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I wish you were the type of person who loved words like me

We could read poetry to each other, and write long letters

We could talk about our favourite phrases, the best words.

But you’re not in love with words like I am,

So I fall in love with other things about you:

Your eyes, your smile, the changes in your tone

And I try to ignore your words when you throw them around.

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You would never know that my favourite afternoons are spent

Reciting poetry, letting the words drip slowly from my bottom lip.

You’ve never seen how my fingers quiver when they run over

A beautiful line, or an old, greying book. You don’t realize

How much I love walking into book stores, and just smiling

At the tall shelves and shiny volumes, all the different colours.

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You don’t know what words mean to me, how they make my every day.

So I forgive you when you’re not careful with them,

Words aren’t the same for me and you,

And I will love you despite this.

How to Fall Apart

You do it slowly, agonizingly

Remember the past as if it was

Another life, until it becomes so.

Realize that a photo changes

Every time you look at it.

Watch your phone, waiting

For it to ring, for loved voices

To fill your life with their stories,

And sigh when the phone never rings.

Sit somewhere solitary, probably with a view

Of an orange sunset fading into purple.

Feel parts of you that you thought were true

Leaving you, and feel the burn of it,

Like a bruise you realize you had

Only when it stings you while bathing.

Pin your expectations on something hazy,

Like people, or conversations, or the past,

And tell yourself again and again,

Life is not how you want it to be,

But still keep hoping for it to be.

Waiting

One day, I hope not to wait

Watching as you erase  me

In new faces, places and stations.

I do not want to always hear

Your hurried goodbyes, two and a half minute

Long conversations about how busy you are,

While your friends laugh in the background.

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I do not want to watch my days go away

As I watch my phone to make it ring,

My decision to be cold and not pick up

Evaporating the moment I hear your hey.

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One day I hope to be you

Letting places and people push me around

Then I will not have to try

To make you a memory, it would be too easy

To forget you in the time I am busy.