To be Lost Again

 

I drew the lines, the perfectly measured squares
Then I planted my feet firmly inside them.

The squares were permanent, wherever I went
They made sure that I never crossed the line.

I tiptoed from square to square,
Careful not to step on a line.

My life was a set of perfectly orderly blocks,
Something I could navigate easily, even in death.

Then I met you, and the squares couldn’t hold me
In the pauses between your words and the interludes between your smile,
I found my own laughter, and felt what it was to be lost again.

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Kisses and Salt

NaPoWriMo Day#1: Prompt from http://www.napowrimo.net 

Go to Reb Livingston’s Bibliomancy Oracle (http://bibliomancyoracle.tumblr.com/). Clear your mind, push the button, and then write a poem based on the quotation that the oracle provides.

The oracle provided me with this:

Don’t count on Lot’s wife:
her salty kiss only brings
copious tears. Lots. 

*

from “Lotto” by Timothy Bradford

 

Your soft hands on my aching back

The very hands that inflicted the pain,

Now coming to soothe the hurt you’d caused

 

What was I to believe in?

The hurt in your eyes that I couldn’t erase

Or the words you carefully picked to cut me with?

 

I was so lost in all your contrary signs.

I wanted to trust in the gentle kisses

You placed on my tear stained cheeks

But the frenzy with which you tore me

Lingered in my mouth like a mouthful of salt.

 

I was so young then,

Could you not have forgiven me

A little easier, a bit sooner?

Because now every time I want to trust

The comfort in your kiss

I choke on the salt rising up my throat.

 

Paradise Lost and Some Thoughts

Paradise Lost and Some Thoughts

A week long holiday. The college is almost empty.

Books in hand, I step out

To enjoy the last smiling breezes of spring

Before it is cruelly extinguished

By the summer sun.

 

Under the cafe tree I sit,

My head trying to concentrate

On Satan’s seduction of Eve in Paradise Lost.

But the debate of good and evil

Seemed so hard to believe 

In a world coloured with

Different, brilliant shades of grey.

 

I close my book.

The question of Free Will

Seemed distant as I watch

Dry leaves being tossed around

By the wind.

 

Adam and Eve’s folly seems distant,

Yet their loss familiar. 

Could I trace back my mistakes

To the day Eve’s hand reached for that fruit?

Or was it just in me, to be so imperfect?

 

I close my eyes,

And the questions suddenly stop.

Everything becomes clear suddenly:

I am here, this moment is mine,

I feel happy, it may not last, but it exists now.

I will enjoy this moment, I can cry tomorrow. 

Tiny Pieces

Tiny Pieces

After everything,

I decided to say 

Goodbye to you.

 

It felt as if a great wind

Was blowing in the spaces

You occupied, but I didn’t rush

To fill them, letting tiny things

Accumulate, till I could feel 

Complete again.

 

I took the leap

I said goodbye,

Some days I wonder

How I would feel

If I was still that full.

 

But then I listen to the wind

Inside my emptiness,

Its force gentler now

As I’m being filled

By tiny pieces from everywhere

Occupying the spaces you left,

And I feel happy for

The emptiness within me.

Him and Her

Him and Her

He looked at her,

“I’m leaving”, he said.

Her head was bent

She did not see 

His lips quivering

As he wished

That she’d ask him 

To stay.

 

Ask me to stay, his mind begs,

I will. I’ll stay through it all.

Our love will never be

A flawless love song,

But it’d be like sunlight

That shines on broken glass.

I’ll never call you an angel

Because you’re the most 

Difficult person I know.

But I’d like to figure out

The enigma your eyes shield

Every time you blink.

 

She couldn’t look at him

And let him read 

The shameless pleading

Written over her wet face.

His words, said so coldly,

Struck her in places

She never knew could hurt.

 

She wanted to beg, to reach out

Tell him she loved him so much

That she couldn’t ever say

“I love you”.

She yearned to tell him

That all her dreams were 

Of doing nothing with him

And never getting tired of it.

Their love would be difficult,

And they’d make each other bleed,

But if they felt defeated,

They could be broken together.

 

He waited. She doesn’t look up.

His eyes beg. She doesn’t look up.

She stops herself from choking.

“Then leave,” she whispers.

 

 

 

 

Your Voice

Your Voice

Write about a noise — or even a silence — that won’t go away. (We’ll let you interpret this in different ways…)

 

Amidst others, amidst laughter, amidst the everyday

I realized with a start

That I had forgotten what you sounded like.

So I seek you out with a hesitant smile.

But when you open your mouth and show your teeth,

I cannot recognize your voice.

 

I become annoyed, I shake you

But your voice has changed for certain.

I slap you. “Talk to me like you used to”,

I plead, my eyes gleaming with frenzied despair.

You look at me and blink twice

I seize you, I search your face

To find the voice that had resonated within me

For all these years, through all this time.

Then it hits me, and I let you go,

As I realize I will never get that sound

Out of you, because it had never been yours.

I found that voice inside me, and know now,

That it was me who had been whispering

For all these years, through all this time.